Hey fellow bloggers...
What I'm about to write is a product of my accelerated heartbeat, so it may not make sense... to you at least. I'm just writing my delerious state of mind off, you know?
I discovered something about myself today. I'm slow to anger. Possibly too slow. I find it impossible to raise my temper at anyone, even if I have every right to do so. Even if that person has hurt me beyond repair. I'm a forgiver. It goes against all human nature, but somehow I do it. No matter what the misdemeanor you have against you, all you owe me is an apology, and I'll take you back with open arms.
The thing is though, I seem to be powerless against my willingness to forgive. No matter how long I prepared an angry, guilt-tripped speach, it just melts away. Maybe I just need acknowledgement that I've been hurt... I still have yet to meet the depths of my mind. I'm kind of excited.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
How I Faced My Fears and Got My Heart Beaten Out By a Ninja with a Gardening Can and Cat Eye Sunglasses.
So I guess Ellie is a lot like me. Go figure. I suppose Alex is a lot like Brady. Whoop de doo.
Although most of you don't care, and are probably thinking 'Cosette should just go get a life and move on for goodness sakes.' Let me just rant for a few minutes (Xandra already heard this bit.) but for the most part this paragraph will leave out the overdramatic depressing thoughts and will potentially be amusing for you to read. It kind of reveals my creative side.
So Xandra and I were talking on the phone, me pacing around my house for about an hour and a half (equal to about 3-4 miles). I already knew I hated facebook but today it was really bugging me. Probably because I let my morbid curiousity get ahead of me and I found out that Brady is indeed in love with this chick named Ellie. I stopped right there and got off facebook and called Xandra. Story of my life.
Anyhow, me and Xandra were talking about the normal odd things, when she zoned out while staring out her window... I had way too much energy for awkward silences, so naturally I said the first thing that came to my mind. Which was basically wondering aloud about Ellie. It started with, I wonder if Ellie is anything like me, and progressed to 'I bet shes a sex goddess secret agent ninja from California where her dad lives.'
Thus, began the story of Ellie, the girl I don't know personally but has an alias life formed in the deepest layers of my mind... and Xandras.
Miss Ellie, was a small child who lived in California until her parents divorced and it was decided that she stay with her mom who moved to utah, where she married some random guy in Salt Lake. Soon after they moved to Park City, because the city was too crazy for them and they weren't too fond of gay people. When she was five her mom shipped her off to ninja school in Canada where she learned the basic survival skills when they threw her out into the wilderness with only an battery-operated blowdryer and some beef jerky with a family of rabid squirrels. Her great great grandpa used to live on an island in Hawaii where he developed an obsession with magical berries, which he ate for every meal, and soon was gifted with super ninja skills. So she had it running in her veins to begin with. She occassionally visited training camps as a child, and when she was 14 the FBI heard about her from word of mouth, and hired her to work for them. Over the next couple years she went on crazy missions in places such as Norway and Yugoslavia. Once that all quieted down and half-sane uncles weren't hijacking planes and causing a state of emergency in 27 various countries, she decided to live with her dad in San Francisco. By then she started noticing the strange excitment of doing slutty things with guys, and her style changed to miniskirts and serious cleavage. Every Wednesday after school she would walk to the ice cream shop and flirt with the 25 year old sprinkle sprinkler and then walk down to the beach and suntan in her skanky bathing suit. She was also a model for Cosmopolitan Magazine and liked to step out of sports cars in black stilettos while the wind ruffled her hair just right. Eventually she met a rich guy who had the perfect body. Nice toned legs, shaggy blonde hair, complete with a six pack. The sexy man bought her everything she wanted... a ferarri, a Harley Davidson Motorcycle (after that investment she started hanging with the biker crowd and went to hillbilly concerts where the bands signed her boobs). None of this bothered her man because he was playing her anyway and had already kissed just about every girl in school. One day they were making out when the FBI called and ordered her on a mission, which she couldn't say no to. Unfortunately she made a top secret potentially deadly mistake and failed her mission. The FBI required her to move back to Utah, a new house, and create a secret identity. They provided all the money to do all this because Obama heard about her story and decided to fund her with the extra money he doesn't have. She and her family moved to Holladay, and in the time she had left of the summer, she began to devise her new secret identity. The new Ellie was a bookworm, who visited the library on weekends to read about random subjects like kneisiology and alpacas, she secretly loved screamo music, hard rock, and heavy metal, dyed her hair brown, and liked charming, tall skinny guys with stunning smiles and witty haircuts. She decided her favorite color was navy blue and crimson red. She wore skinny jeans and tank tops with hoodies. She decided to take up sports and liked to surf in her imagination (because Utah is lame). As soon as she went to school she knew who her new personality had a crush on. He was the perfect guy according to her stereotyped description of what a real Utah loser would like. He was tall, smart, and liked to pretend he was a ninja, even though he wasn't, which amused her a lot. For the first half of the year she remained invisible, but after Christmas she started flirting with a million guys and got more attention, it was like her life in California but different. Her personality's crush had been taken for the greater half of the year, but as soon as he and his girl broke up she snagged him, when he was in the bounceback stages of his breakup. He fell madly in love with her, but on weekends when she visited her dad in san fransisco, she would always return to her rich pimp man.
The End.
Yep, I probably even left out a lot of what we made up too, but that was the basic idea of who we guessed Ellie was.
By the end of my pacing, the curiousity got the best of me and I decided to be a stalker for two minutes. I looked at her facebook, and although it was blocked for obvious security purposes, her profile picture was a little three year old blonde haired girl with a striking resemblance to me wearing red cat eye sunglasses watering some decorative house plants with a Fisher Price Gardening Can.
It was random.
It was pretty cool actually.
It made no sense.
It was so me.
I guess I wasn't shocked, the guys I like could probably be Brady from the back view, whatever.
I actually found a recent picture of her too, it was really small and pixelated, but she had the same hair color as me, about the same style with the addition of bangs that covered her whole forehead. She looked smart and blended in with a crowd. Go figure.
Well I just had to vent a bit, and share my freakish story. Thankyou for listening.
"I'm standing on the edge, battle in my head, I'm dying to know, dying to know." - Lose it - Atreyu.
Although most of you don't care, and are probably thinking 'Cosette should just go get a life and move on for goodness sakes.' Let me just rant for a few minutes (Xandra already heard this bit.) but for the most part this paragraph will leave out the overdramatic depressing thoughts and will potentially be amusing for you to read. It kind of reveals my creative side.
So Xandra and I were talking on the phone, me pacing around my house for about an hour and a half (equal to about 3-4 miles). I already knew I hated facebook but today it was really bugging me. Probably because I let my morbid curiousity get ahead of me and I found out that Brady is indeed in love with this chick named Ellie. I stopped right there and got off facebook and called Xandra. Story of my life.
Anyhow, me and Xandra were talking about the normal odd things, when she zoned out while staring out her window... I had way too much energy for awkward silences, so naturally I said the first thing that came to my mind. Which was basically wondering aloud about Ellie. It started with, I wonder if Ellie is anything like me, and progressed to 'I bet shes a sex goddess secret agent ninja from California where her dad lives.'
Thus, began the story of Ellie, the girl I don't know personally but has an alias life formed in the deepest layers of my mind... and Xandras.
Miss Ellie, was a small child who lived in California until her parents divorced and it was decided that she stay with her mom who moved to utah, where she married some random guy in Salt Lake. Soon after they moved to Park City, because the city was too crazy for them and they weren't too fond of gay people. When she was five her mom shipped her off to ninja school in Canada where she learned the basic survival skills when they threw her out into the wilderness with only an battery-operated blowdryer and some beef jerky with a family of rabid squirrels. Her great great grandpa used to live on an island in Hawaii where he developed an obsession with magical berries, which he ate for every meal, and soon was gifted with super ninja skills. So she had it running in her veins to begin with. She occassionally visited training camps as a child, and when she was 14 the FBI heard about her from word of mouth, and hired her to work for them. Over the next couple years she went on crazy missions in places such as Norway and Yugoslavia. Once that all quieted down and half-sane uncles weren't hijacking planes and causing a state of emergency in 27 various countries, she decided to live with her dad in San Francisco. By then she started noticing the strange excitment of doing slutty things with guys, and her style changed to miniskirts and serious cleavage. Every Wednesday after school she would walk to the ice cream shop and flirt with the 25 year old sprinkle sprinkler and then walk down to the beach and suntan in her skanky bathing suit. She was also a model for Cosmopolitan Magazine and liked to step out of sports cars in black stilettos while the wind ruffled her hair just right. Eventually she met a rich guy who had the perfect body. Nice toned legs, shaggy blonde hair, complete with a six pack. The sexy man bought her everything she wanted... a ferarri, a Harley Davidson Motorcycle (after that investment she started hanging with the biker crowd and went to hillbilly concerts where the bands signed her boobs). None of this bothered her man because he was playing her anyway and had already kissed just about every girl in school. One day they were making out when the FBI called and ordered her on a mission, which she couldn't say no to. Unfortunately she made a top secret potentially deadly mistake and failed her mission. The FBI required her to move back to Utah, a new house, and create a secret identity. They provided all the money to do all this because Obama heard about her story and decided to fund her with the extra money he doesn't have. She and her family moved to Holladay, and in the time she had left of the summer, she began to devise her new secret identity. The new Ellie was a bookworm, who visited the library on weekends to read about random subjects like kneisiology and alpacas, she secretly loved screamo music, hard rock, and heavy metal, dyed her hair brown, and liked charming, tall skinny guys with stunning smiles and witty haircuts. She decided her favorite color was navy blue and crimson red. She wore skinny jeans and tank tops with hoodies. She decided to take up sports and liked to surf in her imagination (because Utah is lame). As soon as she went to school she knew who her new personality had a crush on. He was the perfect guy according to her stereotyped description of what a real Utah loser would like. He was tall, smart, and liked to pretend he was a ninja, even though he wasn't, which amused her a lot. For the first half of the year she remained invisible, but after Christmas she started flirting with a million guys and got more attention, it was like her life in California but different. Her personality's crush had been taken for the greater half of the year, but as soon as he and his girl broke up she snagged him, when he was in the bounceback stages of his breakup. He fell madly in love with her, but on weekends when she visited her dad in san fransisco, she would always return to her rich pimp man.
The End.
Yep, I probably even left out a lot of what we made up too, but that was the basic idea of who we guessed Ellie was.
By the end of my pacing, the curiousity got the best of me and I decided to be a stalker for two minutes. I looked at her facebook, and although it was blocked for obvious security purposes, her profile picture was a little three year old blonde haired girl with a striking resemblance to me wearing red cat eye sunglasses watering some decorative house plants with a Fisher Price Gardening Can.
It was random.
It was pretty cool actually.
It made no sense.
It was so me.
I guess I wasn't shocked, the guys I like could probably be Brady from the back view, whatever.
I actually found a recent picture of her too, it was really small and pixelated, but she had the same hair color as me, about the same style with the addition of bangs that covered her whole forehead. She looked smart and blended in with a crowd. Go figure.
Well I just had to vent a bit, and share my freakish story. Thankyou for listening.
"I'm standing on the edge, battle in my head, I'm dying to know, dying to know." - Lose it - Atreyu.
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