The Justification of Disobedience... Or Not.

Can a wrongdoing be justified?

I was once asked this question by a very wise man who taught me many things about life... and this question was accompanied by a story. He didn't tell many stories, but he told this one.

There was once a man worked very hard. He had a loving wife, a beautiful daughter, and a good job. One day, in the middle of the winter, when the snow fell from the sky and iced over the roads, his daughter fell very ill. Her fever shot up to the hundreds, and the man knew that if she didn't get care immediately, she was likely to lose her life. The power had long since gone out, and he couldn't call an ambulance, so he jumped in his car with his child, and drove as fast as he could to the nearest hospital. He swerved dangerously down the city streets, and ran stop signs. Luckily, he managed to avoid everyone in his path, and got to the hospital just before it was too late. They gave the daughter immediate care and she lived. But the man had broken so many laws that he was taken to jail, to serve a three year sentence.

The man. He raced to save a life. He broke the law, and accepted the punishment. Its all cause and effect.

Sure, he could have killed someone, driving so fast down the icy roads, but he didn't. He stood up for what he believed in; his daughters life. I guess it was only expected of him to serve his time in jail.

But was it fair?
Is doing something that you know is wrong to stand up for what you believe in worth it? Can you really justify your bad behavior by saying, you knew what you were doing would make a difference for the better in the end?

I thought I knew the answer at one point. But I guess I don't.

Laws are laws for a reason. They were made to be followed, not broken. They keep people safe.

My heart speaks probably louder than any other organ in my body. I find it hard to ignore, even when my mind is telling me no. I make stupid decisions, but I make them for a reason. I make a point not to break rules unless I have a really good justification for that act.

But is it worth it?

The man in the story sacrificed his freedom, his job, his life, in order to give life to another.

So, is it worth it to lose everything you worked so hard for, in order to follow your heart and do what is right?

You tell me.

Of Cattle and Disappointing Dreams.

Its an odd feeling.
When you realize, the grass probably is always going to be greener on the other side. Its like you're a cow or something. Grazing, dreaming of greener fields, when the one you are currently nibbling away at seems dry and sparse. When all of the sudden a runaway tractor swerves through your field, and takes a wrong turn, crashing into the fence that separates you between the cage you've been living in for so long, and paradice. The green glistening field, so delicious and plentiful. All you can do is drool while you meander to the other side. You eat, you play, your heart is filled with joy, so much so that you don't even notice the fence being reconstructed.
Then one day, it hits you. You glance to the other side, and the grass is greener than ever before, and you wonder what kind of lawn care product your previous farmer used. Its then you realize, it was always that green. Always lush and perfect. You were just too blind to see it. That looming emptiness in your heart finally reawakened to what it forgot for that brief period of time. So you climb over the fence, missing what you had, but remembering the beauty of everything on THIS side.
It happens to all of us at some point, maybe someday we'll hop enough fences to actually find what we want.

Wow, anyhow, all these thoughts are bouncing around my head, so excuse my random overdramatic bovine narrative. Haha.

But really.
Its an odd feeling. Like my life is just another page in some parable, or inspirational work of modern literature, just like those paperbacks you can buy in Costco for real cheap.
A few weeks ago, I obtained everything I ever could have wanted from life. Everything I dream about when I'm drifting to sleep at night. Everything I crave when I ponder life.
But when I finally got everything, I wasn't happy.
It was unfamiliar, uncomfortable, frightening. I suddenly yearned to step back in time, undo all this, have my former life back.
Thats when I realized, I had everything I wanted all along, I just never looked deep enough to see it.

As humans, I think we have some bizzare obstinate longing for the impossible. There's something about trying to reach the unreachable that's intriguing.

Or maybe its our constant search for happiness. Here we are, millions of lost folk (thank's alot thesaurus.com) perpetually trying to unearth the secret to happiness. Trying to distract ourselves with things of high monetary value, or material luxuries. We try changing our schedules, differing our common lives. Try and fail. Try and fail. Every time.

I could go on forever on this topic, but I'm getting sleepy and confused... alright, bye, for now. Have happy dreams, and try to find the beauty in what you have, you'll miss it one day.