Of Cattle and Disappointing Dreams.

Its an odd feeling.
When you realize, the grass probably is always going to be greener on the other side. Its like you're a cow or something. Grazing, dreaming of greener fields, when the one you are currently nibbling away at seems dry and sparse. When all of the sudden a runaway tractor swerves through your field, and takes a wrong turn, crashing into the fence that separates you between the cage you've been living in for so long, and paradice. The green glistening field, so delicious and plentiful. All you can do is drool while you meander to the other side. You eat, you play, your heart is filled with joy, so much so that you don't even notice the fence being reconstructed.
Then one day, it hits you. You glance to the other side, and the grass is greener than ever before, and you wonder what kind of lawn care product your previous farmer used. Its then you realize, it was always that green. Always lush and perfect. You were just too blind to see it. That looming emptiness in your heart finally reawakened to what it forgot for that brief period of time. So you climb over the fence, missing what you had, but remembering the beauty of everything on THIS side.
It happens to all of us at some point, maybe someday we'll hop enough fences to actually find what we want.

Wow, anyhow, all these thoughts are bouncing around my head, so excuse my random overdramatic bovine narrative. Haha.

But really.
Its an odd feeling. Like my life is just another page in some parable, or inspirational work of modern literature, just like those paperbacks you can buy in Costco for real cheap.
A few weeks ago, I obtained everything I ever could have wanted from life. Everything I dream about when I'm drifting to sleep at night. Everything I crave when I ponder life.
But when I finally got everything, I wasn't happy.
It was unfamiliar, uncomfortable, frightening. I suddenly yearned to step back in time, undo all this, have my former life back.
Thats when I realized, I had everything I wanted all along, I just never looked deep enough to see it.

As humans, I think we have some bizzare obstinate longing for the impossible. There's something about trying to reach the unreachable that's intriguing.

Or maybe its our constant search for happiness. Here we are, millions of lost folk (thank's alot thesaurus.com) perpetually trying to unearth the secret to happiness. Trying to distract ourselves with things of high monetary value, or material luxuries. We try changing our schedules, differing our common lives. Try and fail. Try and fail. Every time.

I could go on forever on this topic, but I'm getting sleepy and confused... alright, bye, for now. Have happy dreams, and try to find the beauty in what you have, you'll miss it one day.