So I'm bored.
Ever since school I've been so busy with everything. Playing guitar, homework, being at church, hanging out with my friends. And now that I don't have to do anything, I don't know what to do! I'm always under some sort of stress, and don't get me wrong, it feels great to be rid of it, I'm just clueless as far as productive ideas go. What do normal people do in this situation? I know Alyse blogs. :P I just finished reading a few. So good!
Well its the end of the term... its gone by so fast... and I'm proud to say I have straight A's (I think..)
Pretty difficult. I've been incredibly spacey lately, and just lazy. School's lower on the priorety list nowadays, but not totally gone.
Next term I'll be more responsible and organized! Chyeah.
Volleyball ended too, which makes me sad. I used to look forward to practicing with my rad team on Thursdays. I don't think I've ever gotten along with my teammates as well as I did this year. Maybe it was a change in my attitude, or maybe we were all just crazy, therefore compatible.
The tournament was pretty awesome! Undefeated! :) Of course. Never lost a game. All. Season. Confidence booster! Hurrah!
On another note... it seems all my old friends are slowly slipping away from me. I haven't spoken to Hayleigh in months, since school started. She probably doesn't have time for me anyway. Oh wells. I hung out with Grant the other day... he's still awesome, but way different than he used to be. I miss my best friend. :( *sigh* There's really nothing I can do. I've already tried to keep contact with him, but he doesn't seem to want to.
Lets see... Xandra seems to be infatuated with Zakk. Enough said.
Hm. A lot of people are just going there separate ways now.
I kinda feel married. Like after High School, everyone goes in the direction they choose, and eventually get hitched. We're pretty much married to our schoolwork. Well most everyone. Me and Alyse are still 'married' to each other though. :P Oh! And Martin is still my best friend, which makes me happy! If not for him, I would be feeling bored more often.
Anyway... I'm just rambling now.
Have a good day folks.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
A Light in the Darkness
Oh Lord I was lost, but now I'm found. Thank you.
For so long, I've been living life. Going through the motions, worshipping God, making decisions that are pleasing to Him, dodging temptation. For so long, I thought I was on the right path. I'm not. I'm so far from it. I wandered astray, lost in the dark, but tonight I was found.
Sure I was living a good, religious life.
But for what?
Self fulfillment.
To prove myself to others.
To have a purpose.
To play guitar.
And a lot more stupid selfish reasons.
I was just speaking the words, just listening with my ears, when I should have been speaking and listening with my heart. I was doing all the right stuff, but for the wrong reasons. I wanted to build myself up, when I should have been focusing on raising God up. So crazy.
These past weeks have made me think alot, about God, religion, worship, etc. Mainly tonight, and two Sundays ago.
When I was playing for Surge two weeks ago, Shawn asked me to play the solo on From the Inside Out. At the time I was completely stoked, I had self confidence and I knew I could do it. I went home and practiced, listening to the song over and over until I got it down nearly perfect. It was my first solo ever, and if you know my guitar playing skill, I'm terrible with a pick. I just barely started using one about 6 or so months ago. When I got to church on Sunday, my fingers wouldn't obey me, and I was as nervous as ever. Plus, someone made some comments that just made something snap inside of me... and I felt incompetent, horrible, inept, like I was dragging everyone down. I was literally on the verge of tears as I begged Shawn to let me bail out and not play the solo.
There was a few minutes until church started, and I sat on the couches, avoiding everyone, when Emily came over to me and started asking me what was wrong.
She started out saying that I would do great, and I'm one of the best guitarists at the church, then moved a little deeper. She said, I shouldn't care about what others thought about me, all that didn't matter. What matters, is what God thinks about you, and what's in your heart. Not perfection in your fingers. We're all imperfect people. She also brought up something Shawn had told all of us a while back. We can't make the people worship, our music is simply the doorway that we create for others to find God. I started bawling. The realization hit me so strong that I couldn't handle it. I had been so lost, I forgot what worship really meant. It had been dulled into a mere word consisting of seven letters. Something meaningless. It hurt, and I couldn't stop crying. Emily gave me a hug, and so did Earl the sound guy. I don't think anyone knew the real reason I was crying... God did though.
So I went on stage, and through my tears I said a quick prayer, and did the solo almost perfectly. It was all for God.
Tonight was pretty intense also. I was planning on skipping the Deeper service at church and just chilling with Martin, but now that I went, I can't even imagine not going. It was simply amazing, and I've never experienced anything like it before. It started with a few songs that Ben played acoustically, and the crowd sang, falling into the pattern of singing meaningless lyrics, and I admit, I did the same.
But when we crowded around the table in the corner of the room, listening to Baylor, writing our sins on a cloth, putting them in the container of water, watching it turn red, something changed. A level of seriousness and understanding was taken on in the crowd. He added bleach once all the 'sins' were taken out, and everyone watched as all the horrible things we had done were washed away. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a kid with his head in his hands, sobbing.
It was beautiful, in a morose sort of way.
Before my eyes, he was being forgiven... all the horrible things he had done, were being washed away by the most amazing being ever, Jesus. I was overwhelmed with an understanding.
Ben played a few more songs, this time, people were engaged in worship, with their hearts, souls, and minds. All around me people cried, head in hands, all for different reasons, but being united with God. The room was filled with a presence, and I began to cry. Eventually I hardly noticed the tears as they trickled down my face. Remembering all the horrible things I've done in my life, how imperfect and unworthy I was of this wonderful life. In a way, I was humbled.
I realized how lost I was, how trapped I was in my own sin... and that God is the only way any of us will find true peace, and happiness on this Earth and in all the heavens.
You and me, we've recieved the greatest gift of all. The gift of eternal life. If Jesus had never died on the cross that day, if he had caved into the devil's taunts just once, we would all be doomed to burn in Hell forever. The most unpleasant place. One of suffering and pain. Think about it, forever is a long time. It goes on and on and on... beyond human comprehension.
But we're not doomed to that, we're given the chance to live in happiness, love, peace, all those things us humans search blindly for within this lifetime. Always searching and trying to obtain them ourselves, when the only true way to get those things, is to surrender. And by surrendering yourself to Christ, you're set free from all those sins. All that guilt. All that blindness. Everything.
I shared this because I want to share the joy and comfort I feel from being at church and offering my life. Please think about this. Thank you for listening.
:)
For so long, I've been living life. Going through the motions, worshipping God, making decisions that are pleasing to Him, dodging temptation. For so long, I thought I was on the right path. I'm not. I'm so far from it. I wandered astray, lost in the dark, but tonight I was found.
Sure I was living a good, religious life.
But for what?
Self fulfillment.
To prove myself to others.
To have a purpose.
To play guitar.
And a lot more stupid selfish reasons.
I was just speaking the words, just listening with my ears, when I should have been speaking and listening with my heart. I was doing all the right stuff, but for the wrong reasons. I wanted to build myself up, when I should have been focusing on raising God up. So crazy.
These past weeks have made me think alot, about God, religion, worship, etc. Mainly tonight, and two Sundays ago.
When I was playing for Surge two weeks ago, Shawn asked me to play the solo on From the Inside Out. At the time I was completely stoked, I had self confidence and I knew I could do it. I went home and practiced, listening to the song over and over until I got it down nearly perfect. It was my first solo ever, and if you know my guitar playing skill, I'm terrible with a pick. I just barely started using one about 6 or so months ago. When I got to church on Sunday, my fingers wouldn't obey me, and I was as nervous as ever. Plus, someone made some comments that just made something snap inside of me... and I felt incompetent, horrible, inept, like I was dragging everyone down. I was literally on the verge of tears as I begged Shawn to let me bail out and not play the solo.
There was a few minutes until church started, and I sat on the couches, avoiding everyone, when Emily came over to me and started asking me what was wrong.
She started out saying that I would do great, and I'm one of the best guitarists at the church, then moved a little deeper. She said, I shouldn't care about what others thought about me, all that didn't matter. What matters, is what God thinks about you, and what's in your heart. Not perfection in your fingers. We're all imperfect people. She also brought up something Shawn had told all of us a while back. We can't make the people worship, our music is simply the doorway that we create for others to find God. I started bawling. The realization hit me so strong that I couldn't handle it. I had been so lost, I forgot what worship really meant. It had been dulled into a mere word consisting of seven letters. Something meaningless. It hurt, and I couldn't stop crying. Emily gave me a hug, and so did Earl the sound guy. I don't think anyone knew the real reason I was crying... God did though.
So I went on stage, and through my tears I said a quick prayer, and did the solo almost perfectly. It was all for God.
Tonight was pretty intense also. I was planning on skipping the Deeper service at church and just chilling with Martin, but now that I went, I can't even imagine not going. It was simply amazing, and I've never experienced anything like it before. It started with a few songs that Ben played acoustically, and the crowd sang, falling into the pattern of singing meaningless lyrics, and I admit, I did the same.
But when we crowded around the table in the corner of the room, listening to Baylor, writing our sins on a cloth, putting them in the container of water, watching it turn red, something changed. A level of seriousness and understanding was taken on in the crowd. He added bleach once all the 'sins' were taken out, and everyone watched as all the horrible things we had done were washed away. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a kid with his head in his hands, sobbing.
It was beautiful, in a morose sort of way.
Before my eyes, he was being forgiven... all the horrible things he had done, were being washed away by the most amazing being ever, Jesus. I was overwhelmed with an understanding.
Ben played a few more songs, this time, people were engaged in worship, with their hearts, souls, and minds. All around me people cried, head in hands, all for different reasons, but being united with God. The room was filled with a presence, and I began to cry. Eventually I hardly noticed the tears as they trickled down my face. Remembering all the horrible things I've done in my life, how imperfect and unworthy I was of this wonderful life. In a way, I was humbled.
I realized how lost I was, how trapped I was in my own sin... and that God is the only way any of us will find true peace, and happiness on this Earth and in all the heavens.
You and me, we've recieved the greatest gift of all. The gift of eternal life. If Jesus had never died on the cross that day, if he had caved into the devil's taunts just once, we would all be doomed to burn in Hell forever. The most unpleasant place. One of suffering and pain. Think about it, forever is a long time. It goes on and on and on... beyond human comprehension.
But we're not doomed to that, we're given the chance to live in happiness, love, peace, all those things us humans search blindly for within this lifetime. Always searching and trying to obtain them ourselves, when the only true way to get those things, is to surrender. And by surrendering yourself to Christ, you're set free from all those sins. All that guilt. All that blindness. Everything.
I shared this because I want to share the joy and comfort I feel from being at church and offering my life. Please think about this. Thank you for listening.
:)
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