Hm... lets see... what to write.
Over the past hour or so... a strange pain has been echoing through my heart, and I seem to be helpless to stop it. So I'm here, doing the only thing I know how, blog. I desperately want to talk to someone, to pour my heart out to them... actually one person in particular, but once again thats something I can't control. Besides, control is subjective anyway.
For a while, I forgot what it was like to enjoy life, knowing that something wonderful was lying in the close future. I'm not saying that I simply have nothing whatsoever to look forward to, just that it seems indistinct and hidden at the moment. I know that something lurks in the future... hopefully that something is good. For a few days, I remembered what it was like to know that at the end of the day, happiness awaited me. Theres some amount of comfort in reassurance. The future, the unknown, is something humans seem to fear. Although it can make life interesting... sometimes I wish the future was as predictable as the ending of movies.
Speaking of movies... too bad life isn't like them. At the end, just before the credits roll, everything falls into place, and the problems are replaced with new opportunities for the characters. True love is found. Friendships mended. The mysteries of life suddenly less mysterious. Then... the screen goes black, and those typed names scroll down the screen. Its that simple. Right when everything is perfect, it ends. Forevermore, there are no issues, those two hours are frozen, and until your dvd player breaks or your little brother steps on the cd, you can relive it as many times as you like. Unfortunately life isn't like a movie. Time goes on, leaving those perfect moments behind, and leaving you breathless. There are no credits with quirky music in the backround, no definite ending.
Sometimes memories can be like movies though. Some memories are so strong, they are forever imprinted in your mind to live over and over again. But there comes a time, when you have to stop living in the past, and welcome the future with open arms.
Too bad I'm not ready for that.
I thought I was...
But I crashed and burned.
Now as I type this, I feel broken. Hopefully time will tape this throbbing heart back together, and I'll tentatively stretch my arms out, embracing the future with an uncertain courage. Maybe then, I will move on.
But maybe not.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
yeah... me too. i wish life was like a movie... that would be... reassuring. yeah, and how you were talking about how there is some comfort in reassurance...i think there is great comfort in reassurance. i suppose its something that we, as humans need. it just helps so much to be able to look forward to something. to have something to count on, rely on. to have that sense of reassurance. its comforting.
ReplyDeleteYeah...I agree. All we want is something to look forward to, something to be happy about. The ressurance that something is out there for us, all we have to do is find it...but when you think you've found it, you hold on to it, and then like that, *poof*, it's gone...and you're left broken on the sidewalk further behind than you were before...
ReplyDeleteCheers to hoping the bigger picture is better than all of this.