Dangerous Mother? nah.

So... if this thing has a time/date when posted thing, you'll see that its ridiculously early (for me) so excuse the possible spelling mistakes/incomplete thoughts. Last night/this morning... I came upon a really weird observation that has to do with my brother.

Okay, last night as I was going to bed I started watching the Notebook on my ipod (hence the tiredness) when I saw a light out in the hallway. Considering I was supposed to be asleep and not watching good quality American movies on my Ipod, I turned it off and slipped it under my pillow. When my door opened, I fully expected it to be my mom, the only person paranoid enough to wake up at 2 in the morning to make sure I'm not randomly smoking pot under some bridge in the middle of Alpine. If you ask me, sneaking out or anything under that category, whether its drugs or not, is completely lame. So I don't understand while she still questions my morals. Anyway, when the door opened, it was my little brother.
A few things you should know about my brother, he's pretty mature in thought for his age, but is pretty immature when it comes to scary movies and stuff. He can be really sensitive and cried during a walk to remember and little miss sunshine... possibly across the universe too. With all these slightly strange attributes for a 11 year old boy, he sleepwalks.
Over the years I had become used to it. Ever since he was about six or so he had sleptwalked, and myself, owning the room next to him was usually responsible for putting him back to bed. Usually he just babbles on about some purple wolf hiding beneath the windowsill in his room, and I, proceed to tease him and ask him really odd questions for a few minutes, just so I can tell him a semi-hilarious story in the morning when he doesn't remember anything. Most of the time, he would climb back into bed and fall asleep within seconds.
So, last night, he was walking around and our conversation went pretty much like this.
"Hey, Cole, what are you doing?"
"I... I.... Why can't I remember?"
"You can remember in the morning, go to sleep."
"But... why can't I remember?"
"You're tired, go sleep."
"I think... it had something to do with.... I think.... a tree."
"Oh really.... what was IN the tree?"
"What the heck Cosette, you're so weird... nothing was in the tree."
"Are you sure? Not even a monkey or something?" (I was tired okay?)
"No, nothing was in the tree. You don't think I know what I'm doing but I do."
(Some explanation for this: a year or so ago, his subconscious mind got used to the fact that every time he did something ridiculous in his sleep, we would tell him he's sleepwalking. So whenever I say something remotely taunting he always says hes awake and knows what he's doing... which he doesn't)
"Okay... well go to sleep."
"But there was something else."
"You'll remember in the morning."
"No."
"Go to sleep."

Then he actually listened to me. I returned to my room and started watching the Notebook again. Right when I started crying, I saw the light in the hall illuminate my room again. Sighing, I put my Ipod back under my pillow and went to investigate. Cole was still standing in the hallway with his arms folded.
"Cole go back to bed."
"But.... but... its scary." He pointed at our 1000 dollar vacuum cleaner.
"The vacuum?" I laughed.
"No."
"Go to sleep theres nothing there."
"Yes there is. I don't want to. I'm scared. Its scary."
There was something in his voice that was alarmed, and I could tell he was sincerely freaked out by this imaginary monster, or whatever it was. I gave him a big hug, and told him that if he went to sleep all the bad things would go away. It was only then that I could tell he was shaking. His whole body was shaking uncontrollably and he started crying. It scared me, to be honest. I've heard about those certain nightmares that sleepwalkers occassionally have, night terrors I think they're called, when one can't move because they're so tortured by their dreams...
I didn't know what to do, so I told him to get mom or dad.
"They'll think I'm crazy."
"No they won't, mom and dad would never think you're crazy. They understand."
"No they will."
.... and so on. I felt bad for him. I kept giving him hugs so he would stop shaking from fear momentarily. He refused to go upstairs, so I sent him to bed.
For a while I just held his hand and sat on his bed, trying to comfort him to the point where he could fall asleep. I kept telling him that I would be there for him right next door if he ever needed anything, and he would be safe, that I wouldn't let anything happen to him. Finally he went to sleep.

I went back in my room to finish watching the Notebook, but I kept watching for the light to turn on again. I was worried about him and I couldn't focus on the storyline. So I turned off my Ipod, and laid thinking in the dark of my room.

This morning, when I woke up about an hour ago to go feed Emma's dog cheese...(eeyah, long story) I was in the bathroom, brushing my hair so I didn't look completely terrifying if anyone saw me, when my brother walked in and gave me a huge hug. He only said two words, "Thank you."
I was surprised he remembered anything at all, but it made me smile. In a way I was glad he remembered though. I'm glad he could see I cared about him, even though I don't show it a lot of the time.

In a way, I love my brother like a mother loves her own child, although I'm sure its different. Giving birth to someone creates some strong ties. But, my point is, I worry about him, and I want to keep him safe. I want him to have a wonderful life and never get hurt. Sometimes, I find myself being overprotective for him, and I realize a fraction of what my mom goes through. When you love someone, its hard to let them go. It scares me to see Cole grow up and lose his innocent, kind nature. I really fear for him going into middle school. I don't want him to be taunted by all those stupid kids that haven't a clue about life and its value. It kind of reminds me of the movie Little Miss Sunshine, when Dwane tries to stop his little sister Olive from entering the talent show because he's afraid that she'll get hurt by the way those creepy model chicks will judge her. I love that movie. I can actually relate to the characters...

So anyway.. that was my blog for today, I'm off to sleep again. I love you all.
-Cosette.