Don't Let a Good Nights Fun Come To An Early End.

Hey everyone who reads my blog!
I'm in the mood to listen to the Virgins. They're pretty much the coolest thing since post it notes. Good dancing music, and you all know how I dance. :P

Yep, so I'm thinking I need a more optimistic view of life. For the longest time I've been dreading the bad, but not looking forward to all the wonderful experiences. Most of the time, even bad things have good results in the end. All of the bad times in my life, the times I thought I would never make it through, have made me into a better person today. Knowing that it all was for the better feels so good. It reminds me of my guitar lesson. Johnny (my guitar teacher) will constantly ask me whether my hand hurts or not (most of the time it does), and when I say yes he says "Good, that means you're getting stronger". Sure enough, the next time I practice, I'm so much better than I was before. I've found that that statement is true in most cases in life. Instead of dwelling on the negative part of the situation, know that good things will come of it, and in the end you'll feel so much better. Yes, sometimes its impossible not to feel overwhelmed by your sadness or whatever you may be feeling, but it helps just a fraction to think it will make you stronger. Sure there's things that I would change, or redo, the whole coulda shoulda woulda deal, but after everything, I don't think I would change a thing. Everything, good or bad, had an incredible impact on me, and I think I like myself how I am. Even though I know I've only been on this Earth fourteen short years and I can't possibly know all that much about the world, but I'm so excited about the years to come and all the experiences that will continue to build me into a better person.

Wow, that was a long paragraph, but we all love long blogs right? I know I do.

So, I decided I'm incredibly afraid of the future. I know I'm afraid of a ton of things and Grant is worried for my kids because I'll be such an overprotective mother, but this is something that scares me worse than dead animals, or than skydiving, or rollercoasters... this is real. I could probably avoid seeing dead animals, or going on rollercoasters because I could pass up anything that would put me in that situation, but the future.... it comes whether you want it to or not. Its the one constant in life. Time never slows, it never waits, it just flows. It never ends. In a way I guess thats comforting, but when unappealing things lurk in your future, you know its invetible. The best you can do is brace yourself for the unexpected and embrace it with open arms. Its what I've decided to do.
For the past week I've been sulking about next year, the future, everything. And today I was thinking. Sulking and dreading what is going to come anyway gets you nowhere, it just seems to prolong the loneliness or unpleasant feeling that comes with being sad. I'm done with being unhappy. Theres too much to enjoy in life to let one or two or three things bring it down.

So today, in Mr Bass's class, he told a story. It kind of inspired me. He told us about how he and his parents used to fight a ton over everything, and he hated it. It reminded me of my relationship with my parents a bit. Then one day, someone told him at church that the way to have more privileges and stuff is to obey your parents. This had already occured to me, but I never actually psycologically acknowleged it. It was a brilliant concept, I'll say. If you earn trust, life is easier. Love your neighbor as you would love yourself. Its the same concept. If I am a kind person, people will be kind to me. If I give a reason to be trusted, trust will come, along with all the benefits. So thats how I made it my goal to help others out, and obey my parents. Arguing sucks, and it feels so much better to have a happy conversation than to yell all the time.

Well I gotta hit the hay. Its going to be a long day tomorrow... YAY for Ihop! Not to mention I have to read Alyse's blog about Joseph before she deletes it.
See ya, and party.

If you're underground, everythings up.

Its true. Sort of... Except China.... and oriental people... and mass marketing. But thats not the point.
My point was that I've been burying myself lately, and I can't decide if thats a good thing. Well everythings up. I've been so completely busy lately.

So first of all, for some reason, I've become motivated to talk to people. Most likely because of Johnny's question "What if?" Its subconsciously has been gnawing the timid part of my brain away.
I think a lot of people need to ask themselves that question.
What if I was more outgoing?
What if I wasn't afraid of heights?
What if I actually spoke my feelings instead of just going with the popular vote?
Are some of the examples.
Seriously, whats the worst that could happen if you were more outgoing? Sure some people would hate you, but thats invetible, there are haters in the world, and youtube is valid proof of that.
and what if you spoke your feelings? Its pretty much the same thing. The worst that could happen is someone would disagree.
Fear, in a way is a hindrance, but in another way, a safety net. Personally, we should all build up the courage to face our fears, if not conquer them. Everyone is afraid of something, so its really nothing to be ashamed of, although some stereotypical men see it that way.
Some fears are logical and are meant to cause intimidation. For instance, its better to fear not wearing your seatbelt in a car, than to get in a car accident, fly through the windshield, proceed to roll down the freeway next to a deer carcass and then get eaten by flies. Like everything, theres a perfect balance between being limited by fear, and being limitless.

Anyhow, I rode a horse... for those of you that didn't hear me the first thousand times I said it. I guess it kind of made me excited. So last Saturday, I went over to the Jacobsen's house for a barbeque. They had like everything in the world. I chilled with Jonah and we jammed on guitar, and then drove small children around in an ATV, and nearly got killed by my brother's reckless driving. Jonah and I decided that it would take him at least ten tries to pass his drivers test. Oh and the horse, his name was Prince and I rode him down the street haha. Woot!

Oh another highlight! Kirsten got her Driver's Licence! I was so stoked. We went over to her house and decided to drive down to her farm to pet her goats, chickens, and rabbit. Then we drove around trying to find Alyse, and hung out with her for a while. It felt pretty awesome driving with one of my best friends in a giant escalade... it also amused me that shes only 4'9" and had to sit with her stomach an inch away from the steering wheel... hehe.

Holy smokes, its already Wednesday... and I haven't gotten a resting moment since... last week. I even have to randomly sleep in the car and during classes so I don't accidentally kill myself from exhaustion. As most of you know I was on TV today. Woo Woo! I feel kinda famous. Except for the fact that no one in their right mind would ever watch channel 102, or 6 or whatever it is... Its kind of like a 24/7 infomercial, but lacking the couch potato participation aspect of it. Oh wait, I believe there was a five minute segment on how to work out properly on giant inflatable balls...

...I rode a horse. hahah.
I love how Xandra is probably the only one who actually chuckled a little there. Inside jokes are great right?

Wow, today was crazy. When I got home from Park City, I was like... "I should write a song about how Bella feels in New Moon, and I should compose it on an old beat up guitar that hardly works." I don't even know why I got that random urge, but it seemed like a good at the time.
Then I faced a problem: Alyse's beat up guitar was horribly out of tune and the D string was irreparable. So, using just a drill, an eyehook(I think thats what it is) and a nut(also just a guess) to fix Alyse's beautiful guitar that is now known as Delaney Mae. Now, being fixed, she sounds brand new and beautiful. I'm pretty sure no one could ever guess that she was probably bought for five dollars at the DI.
I think I'm pretty proud of my handiwork... sadly, probably more proud than I am for making it on tv.
I guess that says something about my personality.

Sorry guys, I should stop, I'm a bit loopy from waking up at 4:30 this morning.
Just a few last words.
1.) My ceiling has a gaping hole in it that drips when it rains.
2.) Hit me if I never write a song about New Moon.
3.) I'm gonna go to the orthadontist tomorrow, and see about getting braces.
4.) Holy cow, I have a ton of homework that needs to be done in the next two days.

Thank you for reading my long, dull, pointless blog.
Night ya'll.

Mr Chips and Your Empty Hands.

So here I am.
My hands are searching for something thats long lost.
Oh what to do when someone hands you the world,
takes it away,
and then offers you a bag of chips.
Would you take it?
Should you?
Could you?
After having all you've ever wanted,
a simple bag of chips couldn't possibly sustain you for longer than a moment.
But is it worth it?
They're really just empty calories after all.
Delicious, exciting, but only until you blink.
Is lowering your expectations, if only for a second, worth it?
With something so wonderful lingering in your brain... could you do it?
Could I?
With just the thought of the world upon my fingertips leaving me aching?
Maybe.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Perhaps its better than leaving my hands to grasp at the pale air.
Perhaps its better than sitting in a corner with nothing to my name.
Perhaps it would give me the illusion I need.
But then again.
Its just a bag of chips.

The Tragic Ballad of Sir Facebook

Ugh, you caught me in the middle of a mental breakdown.
Just deleted my facebook.
Sometimes things are better left unknown.
Odd how a few words on a glowing computer screen can tear you apart.
Technology should have been left unimproved at record players and cassette tapes.
Ouch, its hard to function when your mind is spinning in circles.
Its hard to hold on when the wind is blowing you away into the starless night sky.
Its true.
I'm holding onto something I should have left in the dust long ago.
And as soon as it was about to slip from my grasp,
I reeled it back in... close to me.
I should have known I would end up hurt.
But, nonetheless I make the same mistakes over and over again, regardless of the consequences.
My morbid curiousity gets the best of me.
So thats why I deleted my facebook.
If you want to talk, hit me up (call me)

You know it means trouble when you start feeling with the dumber half of your brain.

I just decided that whenever I have to do an insanely large school project, I always seem to get distracted and end up writing a blog to clear my mind, and/or clean my room. Strangely, I enjoy cleaning my room, it kind of gives me a sense of accomplishment. Plus it gives me a reason to listen to music and not feel lazy.
Anyhow... I was making a sandwich about a half hour ago and thinking, when I remembered the weirdest thing.
I was thinking about Alyse's blog, and the conversation me and Xandra had earlier. They were both kind of about sex, and how the modern world is overlooking its importance. TV and movies are kind of portraying that sex is just a form of entertainment, that everyone does it, and having sex with strangers is perfectly normal. I think its weird, personally. Making love, the phrase actually means something. It means what it says. You should reserve it for someone you truly love with all your heart. Like Nicholas Sparks says, Why would you throw away a piece of yourself, the most sacred form of love, for a few moments of pleasure?
Now, as I was making my sandwich, I remembered this one time at the beginning of 8th grade... I was standing around, waiting for my mom to pick me up after school, when one of my tenth grade friends ran up to me and a couple of my friends, glowing. The first thing she said was "Guess what!?! I lost my virginity on Friday!"
It scared me quite frankly. And also the fact that she seemed to be proud of it left me feeling slightly disturbed too.
"Who was it?"
"I don't know, some Zack kid."
"Really? Why?"
"I just decided that he was gonna be my first."
If thats your reasoning behind sleeping with someone, you need to grow up before you even think about doing something like that. But that isn't the end of the story. Then one of my other friends who was in ninth grade was like,
"Oh, I lost my virginity a few weeks ago!"
I was shocked by their nonchalant attitude toward it. I guess it just got me thinking... I couldn't imagine doing that, at the beginning of ninth grade. Losing my virginity at age 14 doesn't exactly seem like ideal lifestyle for me at least. To put myself in that situation seemed impossible, and I hope it will stay that way.

Anyhow, I should really be getting to work on that project... enough of my lame tired outlook on life. Goodnight readers.