A Memoir

I remember the first time I met you.
It was a warm day, and I had gone on a walk to take a few pictures of the beautiful scenery. A girl rode down the street on her bike, and I stopped to talk. She told me she was headed to your house, so I asked if I could come with.

I remember we sat on your porch and talked for an hour, then you walked me home because it was dark.

I remember when we would walk by the Peppermint place and waste our money on chocolate, then find a random park and eat it.

I remember how we made a list of everything we should do while hanging out, and I wrote it in your back yard with chalk.
I remember how the rain washed it away, so you wrote it down in your phone.
I remember how we didn't even finish it.

I remember that one time we rode our bikes in the pouring rain just to go buy gummy worms because we were both craving them.

I remember how we used to catch random animals, give them bizarre names and take care of them. For some reason they always ran away. Gir the dog, Ferdinand the snake, and I'm pretty sure there were more.

I remember how the only time you ever got mad at me was when you tried to teach me to play the piano and I sucked at it.

I remember how you would always deal with my stupid urges to watch movies made in the 1940's, and watch them with me anyway.

I remember how we always joked we would be in an amazing band together, but never made it.

I remember how we used to find a house with the biggest hills in it's yard and roll down them for hours.

I remember how we would sit in your kitchen on those wonderful ikea chairs and spin for hours when we couldn't think of much else to do.

I remember how you would walk to my house without a jacket in a blizzard, just so we could hang out for 10 minutes.

I remember when we watched the stars in a park in Draper in the middle of the night.
I remember how you gave me your jacket because it was cold outside.

I remember how you would walk me home every day and we would have the coolest conversations.

I remember that one time when you were terrified to cut your hair, but I told you that your hair was getting a little ratty and I liked short hair, so you cut it.

I remember how you were too shy to play guitar around me, even though I tried to teach you.

I remember how we would watch random movies all the time in your basement, and you would grab my hand because yours was cold. I knew you were lying; your hands were always warmer than mine.

I remember how your mom would drive us to get smoothies, or take us to a random store to hang out.
I remember how she would talk forever about how much she missed Hawaii, or tell me embarrassing stories about your childhood.

I remember that one time we went to Kohlers with a bunch of people, and Kirsten pushed us around in a shopping cart until we got kicked out.

I remember when we threw you a mini birthday party, and your mom put on the cat version of happy birthday, and as you listened to a chorus of felines singing "Happy birthday" you were tackled to the floor by your mom, trying to wrap a streamer around you and giving you a kiss on the cheek.

I remember how we would walk up the hill behind your house and sit on it for hours, just talking and watching the lights of glowing buildings.

I remember that one time we tried to roast marshmallows in your backyard, but ended up nearly blowing up your house by spraying it with axe.

I remember how we'd be in the middle of a conversation when you would interject by saying "I just had a flashback" but then would feel guilty about interrupting me before telling your story.

I remember how we tried to bake cookies that one time at your house, but your dad made them for us because he had a superior recipe.

I remember how my knee would always start hurting, and you would offer to be my crutch as I walked home.

I remember how we would always sit on your roof and talk. You would always have to force me to come down because I was terribly afraid of heights.
I remember how I used to have to borrow your pants because I didn't want the shingles to scratch my legs up.

I remember when we ditched school to go to iHop for breakfast.

I remember when we got kicked out of Bed Bath and Beyond for lying on all the beds and looking like suspicious teenagers.

I remember that time we went to a dance in Lehi. I remember how we sat outside instead of dancing inside with all the other random people.
I remember how we dressed in formal clothes even though everyone else had casual clothes on.
I remember how it was cold and windy outside, and my dress caught the wind, but you covered your eyes and turned away.
I remember how we went up the street and laid in the middle of the road and watched the stars while Alyse and Carlos slow danced under a streetlight. I remember how you, Aubrey, and I all held hands.
I remember how we all said we would never lose contact. Ever.

I remember how we were sitting in your computer room looking at internet sites to expand the list of cool things to do when the clock struck midnight and it was the new year.
I remember how we walked up to our hill and watched all the beautiful lights as we sat on huge chunks of ice and snow fell down in front of us.

I remember how you used to deny it when I asked you if something was wrong, just so I wouldn't be worried.

I remember when I went to your family reunion Christmas party with you. I remember how all the adults smiled at us and teased us about what a cute couple we were. I remember you patiently explaining that we weren't a couple. I remember them not believing you. I remember the way you blushed, and how I knew you wanted their remarks to be true.

I remember how you would be so excited to hang out with me that you would sit at the park down the street from my house for hours waiting for me.

I remember when we would hang out at your house, and little Charlie and his friend would whisper to each other and taunt you about me. Children are adorable.

I remember how your mom let me borrow the Great Gatsby to help with my report, and it took me a year to return it.

I remember the day you were sitting on a table in the cafeteria being quiet. I remember when you told me your mom only had a year to live. I remember crying.
I remember she's still alive.

I remember the last day I got to see you before you left for the summer. I remember how we sat on my driveway with our backs against the garage door and we looked at the stars. We played a game. You named it: Please Pass the Bacon. We found our own constellations.
In the midst of our game, I remember we saw a shooting star. We wished on it.
I remember we couldn't tell each other what our wishes were. Its alright, I knew what yours was anyway. And I remember, mine was simply not to let you down.
Wishes on shooting stars don't always come true.

I remember giving you a big hug when you left. I remember you walking home in the dark.

I remember you telling me how much you liked me on the phone as I sat on my uncle's diving board above his pool. I remember saying I only wanted to be friends.

I remember saying only 10 words to you the following year.

Faces.

Which face shall I wear today?
An attire indifferent?
Pleasant?
Satisfied?
Nonchalant?
A walk in closet full of a self imposed denial
After all, its a tirelessly expanding collection.
Beauty lost under layers of disappointment
Eating away delicate composure
Until exposing a rotted smelling corpse
Bare of emotion, happiness, love
See this face?
This hideous withered shell?
I was starving and asking to be fed
Holding out my hands for more
But I was struck
Beaten
You devoured the last of the ham, bread,
Drank the water until the last drops of it were trickling down your throat
While watching me starve,
With wide eyes, ashened face
Then you ask, staring into the hollows of my eyes
"Haven't I treated you well?"
But my throat is dry, raw
I answer the only way I know how and nod.
So here I am
Pondering
Wishing
Hiding
Staring into that closet of rejected truths
"Denile ain't just a river in Egypt."
So you tell me,
Which face should I wear today?

Breaking New Ground and Planting Seeds of Accomplishment.

Hey you guys!
I haven't been on blogger in nearly forever, which is mainly due to the fact I had no furniture in my room for about a month. My updater is completely full with blogs I need to read. Maybe I'll set aside a time to read them all.
Anyway, wow. Today I broke a ton of new ground! Although not all of it was the best soil to be digging on, things will be looking up from here on out! I'm finally motivated to do the things I love and better myself overall! Its the greatest thing ever, I'd say. In the next few days I'll make some goals for this new semester, and this new year, since I missed my new years resolutions. Who ever said we had to wait for the beginning of a new year to be a better person? Its ridiculous to put a date on accomplishment, or at least the process. A new beginning can come any time you please if you're willing to put in the work to do so. Every day is a new one, so we might as well make the best of it.

Talk to you soon! ;)
Cosette.

Is Your Problem a Snow Mound?

Today, while I was waiting for my mom to pick me up from school, I decided to occupy myself by kicking mounds of snow. When I first started, I tried to knock over the mounds by kicking them in the middle. The only thing I got out of that was a stubbed toe.
Then, I started kicking the sides of the mound, a little bit of snow falling off at a time. This time, I managed to succeed in completely making the snow disappear. It took a bit longer than if I would have succeeded in knocking it over from the middle, but the method I used was more effective.

Situations in life are that way, on occasion. Sometimes the best way isn't to attack something head on; All you'll get is a stubborn response. Sometimes you need to know what you're dealing with and use the most effective method.

Are You Far or Near Sighted?

Its funny how life seems simple from up close.
You can take a look at it and explain what you see.
Now when you step back, and look at the big picture... things get more complicated.
Its funny how no matter how many small pieces of life you comprehend,
everything changes once you put them together.
For instance, one can look at a puzzle piece and see a smiling face,
but when you put all the different pieces together, its a picture of a frowning man with a mustache.

This blog is pointless.
Welcome to the New Year.

The Idiocy of Modern Facebook Groups

So today I was procrastinating, as I am now, by checking out facebook.
Reading people's updates, looking at some pictures, posting a comment or two, you know,
When I came across a few idiotic (to say the least) Facebook groups.
One was called:
I Hate Stupid B**ches
and the other:
Become a Fan of Swearing.
So naturally, I clicked on them, just to see what topics were discussed upon joining either one of the groups.
I came to the conclusion that the first one contradicted itself...
If you're complaining about, or even have the heart to say such a thing about someone else, its your own fault.
Also, I was reading the comments on the wall, and it consisted of random chicks accusing the group of being 'pointless' or 'unofficial' since a bunch of girls who deserve the title were joining the group. Rather hypocritical if you ask me.
The second group, "Swearing" basically had updates a couple times to day saying pointless swear words, or encouraging intellectual debates on whether or not the f word was the most amazing word in the whole world.
Really, guys? Has the humanity really sunk to that level?
Pretty pathetic.

Open. Your. Eyes.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I've only been on this earth for 14 short years. I may not know everything about love, and I'm not writing this to pretend I do, but if there's one thing I do know, its that love is definitely not hate.
It sounds silly, I know. Of course love isn't hate, but think about it.

Your walk talks louder than your talk talks.

Its an age old saying(I think), but its true. Love doesn't dwell in words, but in actions. Sure, you can use words to express those feelings, but its not what you say, but how you show it.

Its easy to say "I'd take a bullet for you." But would you actually do it?
Its easy to say "I'd do anything and everything for you." But how much of anything are you really willing to give?
Its easy to say "I'll never hurt you." But if you don't love with your whole being, actions, words, everything, hurt will be inevitable.

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

They're just letters. 27 of them. 5 vowels. 22 consonants.
They're abstract. They mean nothing.

Love isn't jealousy. Love isn't mistrust. Love isn't selfish. Love is an antidote, not a poison. Love is caring, not neglect. Love is setting yourself free, not a prison.
Love isn't an intimate touch, or a style of clothing, or a hair color, or holding hands, or kissing in public places, or spending every second with one another.
Its so much more.

I heard a quote once, from a very special person. It went like this.

"No man/woman is worth your tears, and the only one who is, will never make you cry."

Whoever truly loves you with all their heart, would do everything in their power to prevent your tears. Of course, life has its ups and downs, and sadness is unavoidable at times. My point is: Whoever cares about you more than themselves, will put their selfish desires aside, and help you be the best you can be.

I could go on with this subject for hours, but I have homework calling my name.

I wrote this blog for a good friend. Now go read the title again.

Goodnight.