Anyway... So lately I've been really moody, and to be quite honest, its a first for me, usually I'm a chill person that doesn't complain and just jokes around. But I've been surprising myself this week. Its scary actually. It might possibly have something to do with Brady breaking up with me but... maybe I'm just becoming a dramatic loser. Today, I actually yelled at Tanner Raimer, I felt horrible doing it, but hes one of those people who needs a good beating every so often. Now, I have never EVER yelled at one of my friends before, although I wouldn't classify Tanner as a 'friend', hes more of an annoying person who follows me around and eats lunch in the corner with all of my REAL friends. So in English class, Tanner was talking to Brady Winward about how it was hilarious that he pulled down Alyse's backpack strap and she fell over on the floor. Alyse was telling me yesterday about how Tanner wouldn't leave her alone and how he was really bugging her. I didn't really think anything of it, until he started laughing like a young gorilla at what he did. Normally, I would have just brushed it off and ignored him but, today something just snapped. The conversation went kind of like this:
"Hehehe, yesterday I yanked down alyse's backpack strap and she totally fell on her butt, it was hilarious, hehehehehe."
"Hey, shut up."
"What?"
"Shut up, Tanner. Alyse doesn't like it when you bug her. So stop it. She had her laptop in her backpack, and you could have broken it. Never touch her again."
"... her backpack never hit the floor."
Luckily, he didn't bother me after that, my voice was pretty fierce haha. I don't really know why I did it. Maybe I was tired of people being rude to my friends and trash talking them, or maybe it was because Tanner had been getting on my nerves for quite a while, and my patience had run out.
Then, at lunch, I made another bold move. It was just like any other day; Me, Alyse, Grant, Greyson, Tyler, Brady, and Tanner sitting in the "Kool Kids Korner" but since I was already a bit pissed off at Tanner from the harsh voice incident, I really wasn't in the mood to sit with them. As I was eating my mashed potatoes and gravy, they were sitting in a circle making sex jokes and swearing. I never really liked sitting there, ever since Tanner, Brady and Tyler randomly invited themselves to sit with us. No joke, every other word was a swear word, and I can't stand it when people use swear words to either offend people, or make themselves 'cooler' which makes no sense because swearing is like one of the lamest things EVER. They don't even know how to swear right. Their conversations were like, "Hey, Joe was being a asshole to me, I'm gonna go kick his ass." What the heck?!? Can you say shallower than a kiddie pool? I'm thinking they're as shallow as a little puddle in the gutter right after it has just rained for like 15 minutes, one with worm corpses in it. Ew.
But anyway, I always dread lunch time because I know they'll come sit with us, and make it miserable for me and Alyse. So, today, I snapped again. I got up with Grant, and walked away, thus playing penny hockey upstairs.
I've been thinking about it a lot, and decided that I'm sick of them. I know its mean, and I tried my hardest for about 3 or 4 months to be nice to them and be their friend, but you can only take so much. You know what I mean?
I'm sick of eating lunch with people that live to annoy the heck out of me. I'm sick of taking trash talk from people; my parents, aquaintances, etc. about my friends. I'm sick of people taking advantage of me. I'm sick of never speaking my mind about things. I'm sick of Brady tackling me every time he sees me. I'm sick of people trying to pull me into their drama. I'm sick of life.
I need a break.
I need a huge long vacation with people that I know would never hurt me, and understand how I feel about everything.
Too bad thats impossible.
I'm going to stop rambling about my pointless dramatic problems. I've just been feeling breakable lately. My perception of myself has faded, and I'm trying my best to find me again. I know I'm not a drama queen who makes every small problem a huge issue, or someone who quickly loses their temper over dumb things. Hopefully blogging has cleared my mind of everything, and maybe I'll be able to sort my life out. Just bear with me here.
Heres a few last songs.
Over and out,
Cosette.
Even though it will be ages from now when I accomplish this, when I get a car, you, me, and Alyse should all go somewhere for a weekend. Just get away from everything for a few days. Sounds fun huh?
ReplyDeleteAnd don't worry about snapping at people. I know the feeling. I'm sorry you've had to deal with such aggravating kids at school. They sorta sound like a pain.
And thanks for sticking up for Alyse. I would probably drop kick this kid that's been annoying you guys, if I had even the faintest clue who he was. Hehe ^.^
<3